We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
