theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
