When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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