sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
