Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
