Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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