what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
