You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
