That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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