I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
