there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cock deserves a montage
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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