I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
