The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
