that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
