he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
