I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
Pick me up at 9.