She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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