you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
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you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i would one night stand the shit outta him
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
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I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour