I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.