just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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