was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My penis needs a shock collar
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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