Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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