So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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