I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
