my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
