I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
This is the prime rib incident all over again
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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