I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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