I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
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It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
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Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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