at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
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The beers last night were like the tears from god
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
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It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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