I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
