Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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