You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
