Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
