And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
