If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Let's paint friendship bongs
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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