So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
