I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
