Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
