we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
