i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
