You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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