Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
