You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
