im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Drunk is a universal language darling
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
