We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You're a waste of cheezeits
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
