it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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