I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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