Hey man sorry I got all grabby
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
