Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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