Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
This house was built for laser tag.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
