it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
