I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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