Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
