the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
