Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
