Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
