i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Its about making memories worth repressing
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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