I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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