He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
