you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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