My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Im part way to drunk.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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