plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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