you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
