So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea