oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth