I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.