I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
