i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
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He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
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Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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